Polyamory Counselling

What is polyamory?

Polyamory is one of the new models for organizing romantic relationships in modern society.

It is an ethical and responsible way of having more than one loving relationship.

Monogamists value fidelity, polyamorists on the other hand emphasize loyalty because they find it as more pragmatic way of relating in accordance to their desires. Trust, honesty, dignity and respect are the core values in such relationships.

The first reaction when people hear about polyamory is often pity: they tend to think those who accept polyamory do so because it’s the only way to stay with their partner who is somehow “cheating”. Someone will inevitably point out the complexity and supposed impossibility of negotiating quality time that would need to be spent with multiple partners. What’s more, poly relationships are often perceived as shallow. The mainstream is dominated by the belief that polyamory implies sex addiction or other personality disorders characterized by the inability to create “good relationships” and that those involved are also dysfunctional parents.

This is all too familiar when it comes to similar attitudes about homosexuals who fought for their rights. We live in a Western society that still widely demonizes everything except heterosexual monogamous marriage, and as such, polyamorous people are facing a variety of judgmental attitudes. That’s why some say “poly is the new gay”.

That said, things are changing. Various feminist movements have given rise to values such as equality, caring, intimacy, non-exclusivity, autonomy and honesty among others. These values are also reflected by polyamorists.

Polyamory is often seen as a more stereotypical “feminine“ way of relating, which tends to mean a lot of open communication, hard work on developing emotional skills and quite often, striving for the best for all involved. This is in contrast with what is posed as more “masculine“ possessiveness, territoriality, inability to express emotions and a general lack of desire to really put effort into relationships.

There are many forms of constellations in these relationships: some are hierarchically structured, some are not. For some, the division between polyamory and monogamy is fluid and they alternate between them.

These relationships require overcoming many challenges: possessiveness, jealousy, time management, newcomer inequality and power games, coming-out, problems with raising children, legal considerations, just to name a few. As someone trained in relationship dynamics and a polyamorist for more than ten years, I can help you navigate through these issues.